Conversations Part 1
Nick: "Mr X you are homophobic."
Mr X: "No I'm not Gay."
Tom whacked Mr X around the head with a wrist rest. Mr X then turned round and stated: "I wouldn't stand for that."
Whilst in HMV looking at an album, Mr X states: "They sell these in HMV."
Daryl: "Why is Final Fantasy 8 running at double the speed on Jon's machine?"
Mr X: "He's using a Celeron so it's doing double the calculations which makes it quicker."
Mr X points at Jon's monitor which had a picture of Catherine Zeta-Jones on the background and states: "So you're a
Catherine Zeta-Jones woman."
Mr X on the Solar Eclipse: "We won't be here to see it at 11 at night."
During an argument with Jason, Mr X stated: "Jason, I'm half the man you are."
Mr X to people in the room: "I was playing Quake last night and I killed them 3 to 2 times, I slaughtered them."
Nick: "Shut up Mr X or I may have to hurt you."
Mr X: "Be careful I could be really violent nasty."
Allen was trying to ask Mr X a question but got no response from him. After accusing Mr X of ignoring him Mr X stated:
"Yeah, I'm ignoring you like a complete cunt!"
After reading an e-mail containing a reference to Elvis, Mr X turned round and said: "I'm never going to meet Elvis now."
Whilst watching Andrew eat some sandwiches Mr X asks: "Is that a typical Australian meal?" (For those who don't know
him Andrew is Australian)
Classic Mr X e-mail action:
Mr X to QA: Just to let you know the Final Fantasy 8 piss up is this Friday in Berties.
Law to Mr X: See you there mate.
Mr X to Law: Not you mate.
Law to Mr X: Yeah FF8 piss up in Berties, see you there about half 6. I'll have a bottle of Bud, nice one.
Mr X to Law: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
Law to Mr X: Alright I'll have a pint instead.
Mr X to Law: I cannot take no for an answer.
During a conversation about Playstation 2 being backward compatible Mr X stated: "I'll let you peril"
On a rare trip to the pub Mr X noticed a man coming out of the womens toilets and told him: "That's the ladies toilet, you
can't use them... unless you're a homosexual."
Mr X and Phil were having one of their regular arguments about nothing in particular. Phil stated: "Well we all know what
you are don't we Mr X!"
To which Mr X witfully replied: "What that you're a cunt?"
One morning Mr X inquired to Simon and Allen: "Did you two catch the Granny's on TV last night?" (He meant the
Grammy's)
During a conversation about Playstation peripherals Mr X stated that one of the Dual Shock pads defected!
Conversation between Mr X and Yota about the foreign manual of Gun Survivor:
Yota: "You won't be able to read it."
Mr X: "I can understand the pictures."
During a conversation with Jean-Yves, Mr X said: "I'm gonna shove this bullshit stick right up your arse until the sun don't
shine..."
On seeing John not doing any work Mr X states: "Listen to the sarcasm and get on with some work."
During a conversation with Carl, Mr X states: "You wouldn't touch me with a barge pole."
Mr X on why he crashed his car: "I stopped but the car tyres didn't."
Mr X to Yota: "Actually Yota can you ask me something?"
Whilst insulting Law, Mr X informed him: "I'll ram a crowbar right up the side of your head"
During multiplayer testing of F1 WGP Mr X, annoyed with Law's performance, came storming in the room and said: "You're
a dirty cut up."
During multiplayer F1 WGP testing Mr X said to Allen: "I'm testing every aspect of the game which your testers failed to
miss."
In a 3-way conversation with Allen and John, John states: "The marriage allowance tax has been scrapped."
Mr X: "Yeah, it's job seekers allowance now isn't it."
Again on the subject or taxes, Mr X: "If it wasn't for Maggie Thatcher we wouldn't be paying any taxes now."
After putting on some sun glasses Mr X said: "I've got to look good for the ladies."
Guy laughed at this, so Mr X hit back with: "I don't know what you're laughing at, when your girl sees me she'll be drop dead
gorgeous."
After the 4th release of the Hanleyisms, Mr X walked in to Test 2 and said: "You've all got to bow in laughter."
Mr X was moaning about that Allen always wins at F1 WGP multiplayer, so Allen said: "Talk to Tyrone, he wins more races
than me."
Mr X: "I'm both having a go at you."
Pat was talking to Mr X about Championship Manager 3 and said: "I can't buy any European players."
Mr X: "Yeah - that's the way it's meant to be."
Pat: "So how did Petit and Anelka get in my team in the first place?"
Mr X: "Easy, it's because they're from France."
After Julie mentioned to Mr X that she would be staying for overtime, Mr X said: "You'll be able to listen to my grateful
music then..."
Mr X's comment on being strip-searched: "I wasn't strip-searched, I was asked to take all my clothes off."
Mr X told Guy to get his arse in gear, Guy said it was. Mr X then said: "No it isn't, it's in first."
Chris was talking to Mr X and told him that he was going to a Sound Art Exhibition. Mr X then went on to ask if Chris
could take some photo's of the exhibits.
Mr X reading a Quit Smoking sign on Law's desk where the O's had been replaced with the no smoking sign out loud: "Do
you want to give up S M King?"
Pat sent out a mail which showed the poor sales of Dreamcast. Eventually this got back to Mr 'Sega' X who said: "Well look
at the American market and then come back to me, 2 million units sold as it stands so they are doing well, unlike
Playstation 2."
Of course at the time of this being said Playstation 2 hadn't been launched in America, which may explain the poor sales!
James: "I'm going to the shop, does anybody want anything?"
Mr X: "Can you get me a Snap Apple?" (He meant Snapple)
Brian: "I've just been on Holiday to India."
Mr X: "So then did you see the Pyramids?"
Mr X: "Everyone will think I'm a right dip wit."
After a night out in the pub Allen asked Mr X if he could give him and his girlfriend a lift home.
Mr X replied: "What am I supposed to take you home with? Shirt buttons?"
Noel discussing Tony Hawk doing his first 900 on a skateboard: "Hawk came off the ramp, went over to his wife who was
holding his 4 month old baby and said it was the best day of his life."
Mr X: "Surely the best day of his life was when he was at his wife's pregnancy."
Mr X also pondered doing a 900 on a skateboard and concluded that you would need to be in the air for 5 minutes. After
everyone laughed at him, he changed his estimate to 2 minutes.
Mr X to Allen: "I find logic bugs that make no sense."
Mr X to Steve: "I know enough to wind you up with my little finger."
Mr X to Noel: "You're off your Scooby."
Allen to Mr X: "What?"
Mr X: "Scooby, you know Brain."
Mr X was pestering Arday to tell him where he got some information from: "Aw... Come on, you've got an Afro, you have
to tell me."
After looking on the on-line Hanleyisms and checking the 3 new additions Mr X remarked: "3 New Hanleyisms I wonder
who they could have been by."
Mr X to Julie: "Can I have a Post-It note?"
Julie to Mr X: "Say please..."
Mr X to Julie: "I say please afterwards."
Mr X: "The new Beastie Boys video is right up my backalley."
After talking about Tony Hawk on PS1 Mr X challenged Allen and Noel to a game at lunchtime because some people were
becoming reliabilities.
Mr X to Jason: "I bet they'll make AGP sound cards soon." (AGP being Advanced Graphics Port)
Mr X talking to Allen about South Park: "All the humans were eating each other like carnivores."
After reading the following joke e-mail:
!!!GET PAYED TO PLAY FOOTBALL!!!
Are you interested in playing 11 a-side football? I'm looking for local guys to play regular 11 a-side football for a team
in central London. I urgently need new players as the team frankly at the moment is crap. We've only just start the new
season and already we're bottom of the league. The situation is so bad I'm now willing to pay new players to join.
We're a young friendly side, with plenty of soical activities outside of football - regular team piss-ups, if you're into that
sort of thing and weekends away. Players also get free use of local gym and I can get you a discounted rate at an exclusive
golf course.
We even have a sponsor who funds us to travel abroad and play competitive games, but frankly is we keep playing as crap
as we do at the moment it'll just be embarrassing and we'll have to knock that on the head. Match fees will be payed
based on ability. If you're interested come down and see me.
We usually train on Thursdays, 8 o'clock, Wembley Stadium
Cheers
Howard Wilkinson
Temporary Manager
Mr X went on to reply to Marlon, who originally sent the mail, saying: "Tell them I'm up for it, are you?"
Mr X to Law in the pub: "Are you going to take it easy with those Aftersocks tonight?" (He meant Aftershock)
During F1 WGP testin Mr X turned to Allen and asked: "Do FIFA have to approve F1?" (He meant FIA)
Mr X to Allen: "Have you seen the sign on Jason's door?"
Allen to Mr X: "No, what does it say?"
Mr X to Allen: "No authorised people allowed." (He meant unauthorised)
After it was mentioned that a Frenchman, Scotsman and an Englishman make up the QA Management team, Mr X stated:
"They've got all of the different continents in QA Management."
Mr X on the band Madness: "There's only one man in Madness, and that's Slugs."
Mr X in a conversation with Steve: "Really Bibbs, er... Daryl, er... Steve."
Mr X in another conversation with Steve: "There's no point in trying until you get it out of me."
After beating Mr X in an F1 WGP multiplater race, Noel stated: "I stomped on you..."
Mr X: "No you didn't. You beat me comprehensively."
During a conversation in the toilets with Noel, Mr X claimed that the Scot was guilty of 'Mis-gross conduct'.
In a conversation with Allen, Mr X happened to agree with a comment that was made and said: "You know what? You've
hit the needle in the haystack there."
While Mr X was on the phone asking Law if he could speak to Luke, Allen cut the line. Mr X turned to Allen and said:
"He won't like that, he doesn't like people hanging him up."
Whilst in the pub Mr X informed everyone that no one would be invited to his Hen Night!
Mr X describing his Hen Night: "It's just going to be me and a load of other women."
Talking about the barmaid in Yates', Mr X states: "She was cringing in her boots."
Mr X in an argument with Steve: "Champ Man is shit, it's full of bugs."
For those unaware, Mr X tested Champ Man for 2-3 months and found next to no bugs.
Mr X was asked to name some of these bugs, at which point he walked off mumbling: "It's quite a clean game actually."
Adam and Gabe talking to Mr X about Fate of the Dragon.
Adam: "It looks a lot like Age Of Empires."
Mr X: "It would do, it's the same gender."
Mr X on open plan offices: "Having an open plan office is just not ethical."
Noel was stretching his legs to which Mr X remarked: "Don't stretch your feet in my space."
Upon seeing Mr X's leather flight jacket with a nice sheepskin trim, Daryl says: "Ah, I see Biggles is back."
Mr X: "Yeah, I thought it was about time to dig it out of my conduit."
After Mr X crashed his car in the winter:
James: "It's your own fault, you were driving to fast."
Mr X: "No I wasn't."
James: "You went straight on at a corner, you were going to fast."
Mr X: "I was only doing 20."
James: "Yes and that was to fast for the conditions."
Mr X: "No."
James: "Look, if you were going slower you would have got round the corner."
Mr X: "It's not my fault."
James: "Well whose fault is it then?"
Mr X: "The man who parked his car there."
Gabe was getting milk from the fridge when all of a sudden Mr X pounces and says: "Stop getting down on that fridge."
Mr X to Marlon: "You pause that game more than hot dinners."
Jean-Yves asked where Sal was sitting and Mr X answered: "She's living in Linus' desk at the moment."
Mr X to Ravi: "Are you moaning or complaining or doing both?"
Mr X and Jim were having a conversation and Jim made a cutting remark aimed at Mr X. Mr X hit back with: "I'm not even
raising myself to that standard."
Mr X to Steve on the way to play football: "Where's Law?"
Steve: "He's gone to see a man about a dog."
Mr X: "Law's getting a dog?"
Steve explains the old saying to Mr X. The following day - Mr X to Law: "So, what sort of dog did you get then?"
After reading through the menu for the food at the christmas party Mr X states: "I don't fancy any of that especially not the
champagne sherbert." (It was champagne sorbet)
After answering the phone Mr X says: "Allen's mum is very nice, it's a shame about his son."
Mr X to Sammy: "What game did you get?"
Sammy: "Hitman, can't you see?"
Mr X: "No, I'm colour blind."
Mr X talking about a new girl who hadn't had the awesome joy and pleasure of meeting Mr X: "She'll come round asking,
'Who's this Mr X?', and she'll say, 'She's the Mr X."
Mr X singing along to 'My Girl': "I've got sunshine... on a pouring rain..."
Mr X threatening Noel: "I'm gonna shine my fist up real nice, and shove it up your fist."
Mr X challenged Allen to a competition. Allen suggested they should play F1 WGP, however Mr X said: "Ok, but without
the exception of steering wheels."
When Mr X was asked why he wasn't having a starter at the departmental Christmas Meal he answered: "Because I want
to leave early."
After playing a whole load of Heavy Metal Allen put on an Onyx album (pure old school hip hop). During the first song Mr X
turned to Allen and asked: "Would it be possible to have some rap on for a while?"
During an argument, Mr X asked: "Have you got a Van Halen against smokers?" (He meant vendetta)
After a swear box was set up in Mr X's room he stated: "I can't wait to get out of here so I can swear shitloads."
Mr X to Noel: "You are so Anti-Sociable."
Mr X accused Law of something and Law blamed it on someone else. So Mr X said: "Don't try and pinpoint this at someone
else."
After the introduction of the swear box Mr X informed Allen that John had made a swearword!
Mr X, controversial as always, was complaining about the homeless: "They all claim don't they? You know housing benefit."
Luke talking to Mr X about a porn-a-like that had been sent round: "Imagine if that was your face on there."
Mr X: "I don't shag birds."
Scott sent Mr X an e-mail saying: "You're not a morning person are you?" After he got upset at Scott.
In the hallway a little later Mr X says: "No, I'm not a morning person in the morning."
Steve and Allen were talking about Daisy Donovan. Mr X said that he had never heard of her.
Steve asked if he'd heard of Jason Donovan.
Mr X: "Yeah that's her sister isn't it?"
Mr X: "I'm going to be Chief CEO."
Daryl: "You what?"
Mr X: "Yeah, Chief Chief Executive... Oh... Ok."
Mr X was banging on a wall to Luke.
Noel: "What are you doing?"
Mr X: "I'm doing sign language to Luke through the wall."
Mr X: "Does anyone else want a drink of Coke?"
Everyone: "No."
Mr X: "Well thanks for asking."
After James Rose agreed to buy Pizza for those working overtime Mr X was asked if he wanted anything.
Mr X: "There's a producer buying I've got to make advantage."
During a break from a training session Mr X stood up and walked over to a bin. For some reason everyone laughed at him.
Mr X: "Can't a man put a tissue in a bun?"
During a discussion about women Mr X remarked that he would destroy a certain woman.
Mr X with a smug look on his face: "She wouldn't know what a good time meant..."
Mr X commenting on Noel owning the Soul II Soul album: "You're a secret man in disguise."
Mr X talking to Allen and Noel about how he is going to retire to the Phillipines. He then stated that once he's there he's
going to get a job.
Allen reminded Noel that today was his penultimate National Hanleyism Day (Fridays). Noel said he had a tear in his eye.
Mr X remarked: "No Noel, you're here next week."
Talking about the Large Big Potatoes Ism, Mr X said: "I've got 2 large big potatoes in the middle of my 2 legs."
Moments later a confused Mr X asked: "Does that mean I have 4 things hanging?"
After hearing a suggestion to sell Mr X's signatures for £5 a pop, Mr X states: "So anyone want my signature for £5 a pot?"
Noel seeing Mr X walking down the corridor points at him and says: "The angel of Mr X."
Mr X: "That's right I'm shadowing over you."
Allen told Mr X that he had a gift for making people laugh, Mr X then said: "Yeah, but I don't do it personally."
Mr X accused Scott of leaving a fart machine behind his chair: "Does this belong to you?"
Scott: "Hell no."
Mr X: "Well it looks as if it's made of Canadian soil."
Someone: "Where's Noel?"
Mr X: "He's in the smoking room having a cigarette to drown his sorrows."
Mr X: "Where are Sheffield Wednesday now?"
Daryl: "Foot of the table."
Mr X: "Does that mean they're in relegation trouble?"
Mr X to Allen: "You've got a beer belly because you eat to much McDonanlds."
Mr X to Allen: "I'll sort you out, I'm gonna nut you."
Luke: "What, you'll give him the Glascow kiss?"
Mr X: "No, but I'll Glascow kiss his bird."
Whilst talking about the Fonz in Happy Days Mr X remarked: "Yeah, the Fonz with his white T-Shirt and Leather jumper."
Mr X talking about someone sucking up: "He must be licking the arse out of his muff!"
Mr X taling to Law about ISS Pro: "You're rubbish."
Law: "No I'm not."
Mr X: "Yes you are, I'm going to take you town."
During a conversation with Mr X, Law told him to go away to which Mr X replied: "What's eating your beef?"
Mr X was in a conversation with Allen and Mr X asked a question. Allen replied no to it and Mr X called him a bunch of
muppets! Realising he had once more made himself look a fool he switched to a better alternative and called Allen a
bunch of eggs.
Mr X played Simon at ISS during lunch time. After lunch Mr X wandered down to the Kebab room to brag and said: "I gave
Simon a right humping at ISS."
During a conversation about a PlayStation that had fallen on the floor a number of times, Mr X stated: "It's been on the
floor more times than hot dinners."
John: "Mr X do you want any cake?"
Mr X: "No, I've got a weight restriction."
Mr X accused Chris of living in a cardboard city to which Chris replied: "Cardboard city the Oval?" (Mr X's home)
Mr X: "I'm not raising myself to your standard."
Steve talking to Mr X about Chelsea Vs Tottenham and saying that he may go and stand in the Tottenham end.
Mr X: "You wouldn't do that, they'd do you up the kipper."
Steve: "Do you want to bet on the game tonight Mr X?"
Mr X: "Yeah."
Steve: "£5?"
Mr X: "Ok."
Steve: "If it's a draw no one wins."
Mr X: "Yeah, we can have £2.50 each way."
Mr X: "I haven't seen Gavin for ages since he moved to Norway."
Mr X in a meeting about F1: "It's too hard everyone knows that, there's no point me re-illiterating it."
Whilst looking through the F1 WGP manual Allen said: "None of us will ever work in the industry again."
Mr X: "He got it right on the nail there."
Mr X talking to Allen about an attractive young lady in Berties: "She ain't all that. If Mr X got her into bed he'd snap her
like a brick."
Mr X noticed that Lepoureau had shaved his beard off and stated: "I see you shaved your beer"
Before a game of ISS between Tony and Allen, Mr X informed Tony to: "Do Allen up the kipper."
In a seperate game Mr X was beating Allen 3-0 and happily said: "It's all gone eggs up for you."
Mr X commenting on Alex Ferguson's retirement: "The Man Utd team will go to pop when Ferguson retires."
Allen: "You mean go to pot."
Mr X: "Well... I think it will all go pigs up."
Whilst playing Luke at ISS Mr X stated: "Everythings all at 6's and 10's."
Mr X to Carl about his driving: "Did you pass your theory test?"
Carl: "Yeah."
Mr X: "When are you taking your physical?"
Mr X talking about the Americans dealing with a hostage situation: "You should have seen it, they had the Squat team in
there."
Mr X talking to Sal about dieting and healty eating: "I'm proud of being fat, diets are useless, it's all about what you eat."
Mr X talking to general people about someone who had just been promoted: "You can treat people like shit and it's all
Hickory Dickory Dock." (He meant Hunky Dory)
Mr X bragging to general people in the room: "I got 160 MPH out of my car."
Everybody disagreed with him and said it weren't happening.
Mr X: "Maybe I misread the thermometer."
Talking about Unreal Tournament with Marlon and Suku.
Suku: "Can you do Capture the Flag?"
Marlon: "Yeah, you can do all that stuff."
Mr X: "If it's capture the flag you can count me out, I'm a one man Soho."
Mr X to Ron during a game of ISS where Ron got a bit excited: "Keep your hair on Ron... Oh yeah you
haven't got any!" (For those that don't know Ron, he has a full head of hair)
Mr X to Ghulam: "So what shall I do now?"
Ghulam: "Well you can either go on to, Tomb Raider PDA, Champ Man Xbox, Deus Ex or Hitman 2"
Mr X: "You're not giving me any options here..."
Mr X to Gabe: "You're off your Scooby Wax."
Law: "What?"
Mr X: "You know... Nut."
After doing a quiz to see if you can tell the difference between a woman and some one who's had a sex change:
Noel: "What did you get in the quiz Mr X?"
Mr X: "17 out of 16."
Talking about DVD intro to films:
Marlon: "The Terminator DVD boot up intro is the best. It's better than Blade."
Ray: "I agree."
Mr X: "Laughs... No, I suppose you like the Mary Poppins one where she comes down with a spoonful of essence."
During a game of 4 player ISS Mr X turned to his partner and said: "Come on! They're running squares around us."
Everybody laughed at him.
Ghulam: "Surely that should be circles."
Mr X: "Circles, squares, they're all the same thing - umm, quadrilanlges."
Mr X: "I reckon about 10% of Blonde women are stupid, actually its probably more like 1 in 10."
Mr X talking to Law about dodgy CDs:
Mr X "I can see a bag full of MP3's on your desk."
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